The Destruction of Yoko
by Stargoddess Vicky
Summary: This is the funniest thing we've ever written. It's a parody of Buffy. This was co-written with my best friend Kelsey Nagel. She has fic on here... GO READ IT TOO!


The Destruction of Yoko  
  
::In Buffy's Dorm- Buffy on her bed, Willow on her's, and Spike is laying on the floor::  
  
Buffy- What do you want Spike?  
  
Spike- I want to fight evil and kill the bad things… but for some reason the creators won't let me….  
  
Buffy- That's because you're a vampire, you're supposed to be bad. And they made an entire episode about that whole thing…. Then decided to never use you again…  
  
Willow- Ya.. ::gets in her few good words::  
  
Spike- I know, But Buffy, seeing as how you're the almighty slayer, do you think you could let me fight?  
  
Buffy- no… Your BAD! It'd be WRONG!  
  
Spike- and I'm not scary anymo'. And I whine that Dru left me, so I got that airhead Harmony to give me some leg. Even though she *gasp* TRIED TO KILL ME!  
  
Willow- you tried to bite me…  
  
Buffy- ::looks at Willow:: WILLOW! THAT WAS OLD NEWS! Go find Tara and do something that the rest of the cast members, including me, are oblivious to...  
  
Willow- OK! Then maybe I can realize that I know nothing about Tara, except she's a powerful witch and has occasionally messed with the spells I do. I'M ON IT BUFFY! ::salutes her then walk out::  
  
Spike- ::stands:: Let's go to Giles.  
  
Buffy- Why?  
  
Spike- Because that's… the only place we ever see him. Or anyone else for that matter…  
  
Buffy- OHHH! Right, sorry, I was too busy swooning over the brawny airhead I'm dating to realize that I HAVE friends!  
  
Spike- glad to be of some assistance… since I do nothing else but mock you slayerettes.  
  
Buffy- HEY! I WAS TALKING!  
  
Spike- right… sorry.  
  
::AT GILES HOUSE::  
  
Giles- ::looking in a book cuz that's all we ever see him doing::  
  
Buffy- so, is there an apocalypse this week?  
  
Giles- what would this show be without one?  
  
Buffy- what am I fighting this week?  
  
Xander- ::chips in:: HEY! What are WE fighting this week?  
  
Buffy- what are you talking about Xander? I'm the only one who ever fights. And after I'm finished, I have to save all of your butts so that I have the little friends I have. I'm sure you could take care of yourselves… but for some reason you always come to near death  
  
Xander- ::looks at the camera:: YEAH! What's WITH that?  
  
Anya- Xander, let's go have Sex  
  
Xander- ok.. Cuz that's all I ever do. Aside from have my puny jobs such as pizza delivery, or bartender (which I had absolutly no idea what I was doing)… ok, I've had my screen time. Off to go have sex with Anya  
  
::Anya and Xander walk out::  
  
Willow- ::walks in holding Tara's hand which noone else seems to register:: Hi guys, I came here cuz I knew youd all be here. You're ALWAYS here.  
  
Giles- ::looks up from the book:: Willow, go sit down and read from a book  
  
Willow- ok, since that's all I EVER do… ::reads from one of the MANY books Giles has laying around.::  
  
Buffy- so, back to the subject, what am I fighting?  
  
Giles- have you seen the Wizard of Oz?  
  
Buffy- I think so…  
  
Giles- you know the winged monkeys?…  
  
Buffy- them?… Didn't I fight them already, after I saved Xander and Willow from certain death… for the 80th time?  
  
Giles- no, I think that was something else… It's so hard to keep track these days  
  
Buffy- yes it is.. let me check my calendar to see if I'm free…  
  
Giles- ::looks sad:: Calendar.. Jenny  
  
Buffy- GILES! My boyfriend killed your girlfriend. Everyone likes him more anyway. Look at who has the show here… HE'S the one who has the show. NOT JENNY! Get over it. The only ones with the show's here are Angel and… ME!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Giles- yes buffy, quite right.  
  
Willow- ::looks up from the book:: I like your sweater Buffy.. did you get it at a garage sale?  
  
Buffy- no… I found it in my mom's basement… in a box. It looks like YOU went shopping at K-Mart again.  
  
Tara- hmmm  
  
Willow- No, my mom made this Shirt… duh buffy. You can tell because the cute sayings on it.  
  
Buffy- well SOOOORRY!  
  
Willow- ::looks around:: this house seems empty because everytime we're here, we ALL are here. OH! I know, that man from Iowa isn't here.. what's his name?  
  
Buffy- Fish boy…. I mean riley. He's at the initiative. His SECRET headquarters… even though all of Sunnydale knows who they are. I think he's gonna try to stop some big nasty, only to have me come and save the day  
  
Willow- but you did that with Angel and look where that got you…  
  
Buffy- actually… It got HIM a show…  
  
Willow- exactly when did he leave?  
  
Buffy- oh.. 7months ago or so.. I really don't remember that anymore. Seems like years. I've really grown as a person. AND, I met *RILEY* this season, and he seems to make me forget all about the BIGGEST forbidden love of my lifetime. Even though he's the most wussy guy in the whole world, and thinks he can even stands a chance against ME!!!!!!!!! ::stretches hands really wide and flips her hair over her shoulder::  
  
Tara- mmmmhmmmm b-bb-uuffy you lo-ook grea---at  
  
Willow- ::looks lovingly at Tara then at Giles::  
  
Giles- ::standing in the corner.. useless::  
  
::Xander and Anya walks in::  
  
Xander- we're back  
  
Anya- from having sex… he's really quick  
  
Xander- ::smiles, not in the least embarrassed that his girlfriend humiliates him infront of everybody::  
  
::Rileys comes in::  
  
Buffy- ::runs into Riley's arms in slow motion:: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANGEL! I mean… Parker… I mean Riley…  
  
Riley- I know you do buffy… Like mama always says… you know when you love a person that the rooster crows at midnight and signals the coming of the moon to the eyes, and your commanding officer tries to kill your only link to the "cool" world  
  
Buffy- Oh my gosh Riley. You make so much sense. Your so wonderfully stupid, you're the only boyfriend I've been able to push around! And I LIKE it  
  
Xander- HEY! If you would have taken my offer you could have pushed me around!  
  
Anya- but he's mine ::glares at everyone at stops and glares harder at Riley::  
  
Riley- ::holds arms up:: HEY! I'll never try to touch him again… I swear…. He just looked so good in those mismatching outfits that he seems to always be wearing…  
  
Xander- ::looks at him: HEY! I don't make fun of your "civies" now do I?  
  
Riley- ::takes a step towards Xander:: think you can take me?  
  
Xander- ::pokes Riley in the arm::  
  
Riley- OWW! HEY! QUIT IT! I'M TELLING BUFFY! BUFFY, Xander HURT me!  
  
Buffy- ::hugs Riley:; it's ok... the drugs you were on to make you beefy when I first went out with you are wearing off. Soon you'll be back to your puny little Iowa corn-fed body, and I'll still love you… Until Angel comes back to warn me of some cryptic apocalypse and we'll have lots of Sexual tension….  
  
:: angel walks in and punches Riley::  
  
Angel- GET YOUR DIRTY PAWS OFF THOSE SILKY DRAWLS! ::tries despreatly to make a pop reference to the song in Grease… it fails::  
  
Xander- ::looks at Angel:: hey.. I was supposed to make the horribly bad at stupid crack at a joke!  
  
Angel- well… I came to give your little show ratings… cuz everyone loves me. Cuz I'm so DASHINGLY handsome and can have ANY girl I want. And I want YOU Buffy! And I'll probably end up brooding over you, but never coming back to you. To the dismay of all the faithful Buffy and Angel shippers!  
  
::Angel leaves in the clothes that he's always seems to be wearing…. The emensly expensive duster flapping behind him, caused by some unknown source…::  
  
Buffy- I am SO over him! I got over him in like 2 episodes…::looks at the camera:: haven't you people been watching?!?! Get over it!  
  
Riley- Who was that? And why have I NEVER heard of him?  
  
Willow- ::rubs Tara's arms::  
  
Riley- ::looks over, and cocks his head:: I saw two cows doing that once..::sniffle sniffle:: THEY DIED!!! ::breaks down into a fit of sobs Buffy absently comforts him::  
  
Giles- ::comes out from the place he's been the entire episode:: Oh good grief man! I lost my girlfriend! You never saw me crying! You're crying over a damn COW!  
  
Buffy- ::looks at him pointedly:: Giles go back to your corner and do nothing like you do in every episode!  
  
Giles- Right O! ::salutes her and marches back to his corner to research… something::  
  
Xander- ::On the couch with Anya groping her and moaning loudly, but no one really notices… except Willow..::  
  
Willow- ::Sighs and put her hand on Tara's thigh::  
  
Giles- ::comes out of his corner slowly:: if we're all finished here.. I'd like to call up my friend Olivia from England so that we can come back here and… talk  
  
Anya- ::says between kisses:: you--- mean-Sex  
  
Giles- YES! CUZ I CAN GET SOME!  
  
Buffy- ok, so we go fight?  
  
Spike- ::comes out from the hallway in Giles home that we have No idea what's down it, which we figure isn't a bed room, cuz giles… guests… and we think may be a bathroom, but a whole HALLWAY for ONLY a bathroom… come on… and how did Spike get back tehre anyways:: Can we go kill something since the whole damn gang of us is mysteriously here, for no aparent reason.. in the middle of the day… when most of you should be in school?  
  
Riley- :: looks up from Buffy's shoulder, which he has left a puddle of tears:: That's ok! I'm a TA! I can get away from classes because my teacher is the mean person.  
  
Giles- ::growls from the corner he's in::  
  
Spike- ::looks at Riley like dinner (which we all know he'd eat him first if he had the chance… I would) :: Don't you guys think you'd be flunking?  
  
Buffy- no, cuz we have a tv show. People don't FLUNK on tv's show. Excpet for oz…  
  
Willow- ::whimpers and sits on tara's lap::  
  
Buffy- also, I'M THE SLAYER!  
  
Tara- mmmmhmmm ::looks Buffy up and down::  
  
Xander- ::raises his hand after he removes his face from Anya's:: I don't go to school. I live at home… in the basement… and I have tio pay rent to my parents. I usualy sleep in past 10:30… And for some reason seem to have a lot of space… even though it WAS a laundry room.  
  
Buffy- wait a second. Xander… were you talking? I mean… what is the name of this show? BUFFY the Vampire Slayer. Not XANDER the vampire slayer. Just because your second in the credits doesn't mean you get to talk for MORE than 2 seconds each episode.  
  
Xander- ::opens his mouth to speak::  
  
Buffy- ::glares at him::  
  
Xander- ::shuts his mouth… shrugs his shoulders… kisses Anya again…::  
  
Willow- so we fight?  
  
Buffy- what ELSE would we do. We don't have lives… school work… families. All we do is fight… and have sex… and fight … and have sex….  
  
Giles- shall we go get in the car?  
  
Buffy- no, remember ::points to herself:: I'm an avid-pedestrian… I don't drive… therefore none of YOU drive. It's not allowed in the budget  
  
Joss- ::sticks his head in:: RIGHT YOU ARE! ::walks back out::  
  
Tara- ::stands, knocking Willow off her lap::  
  
Willow- ow….  
  
Tara- ::walks up to Buffy and lays a hand on her shoulder:: I'm w-w-w- ith you Buffy.  
  
Buffy- ::looks at the hand on her shoulder:: great… what was your name again?  
  
Tara- ::walks back over looking defeated::  
  
Spike- Can we go yet? Come on…  
  
Buffy- fine, come on all of you…  
  
::everyone stands and salutes buffy… then walks out the door single file::  
  
Riley- ::while all are walking on the street whips out his cell phone::  
  
Xander- what are you doing?  
  
Riley- I'm going to call the initiative on the cell phone they allowed me to have. Even though I have to brains of a anteater… I seem to be able to press the right buttons and talk to the people on the other end. It's really a cool thing…. And something I know nothing about  
  
Buffy- ::sees the evil ahead:: ok, everyone else stand over there and look stupid while you get hurt… I save you.. then I avert the end of the world. Come on… you've all done it before… you know how….  
  
::all walks to the side and stand in the way so they will inevitably get hurt::  
  
Buffy- ::looks at the monster which look like an overgrown muppet:: ok you… you… weird thing… ok, I'm sorry but I haven't come up with any good puns lately because I've been to busy with trying to sort out my other problems with riley…  
  
Monster- ::knocks her out of the way, to get to her friends which have (as always) gotten up to save their precious slayer friend::  
  
Xander- ::gets tossed aside first… because… he always is:: owwwww… ::makes a wise crack… cuz he would…::  
  
Willow- ::see's Tara get thrown and cries, no one noticing that she kisses her when she runs over::  
  
Giles- ::gets thrown into a car really hard, knocked unconscious because… that's the way it works…::  
  
Anya-::oddly nothing happens to her…. She just kinda never is there to fight. Just to put in the occasional reference to sex::  
  
Spike- ::hits the thing once.. Since that has to come up SOMEWHERE… then gets thrown aside and not looked at again… because he's "bad"::  
  
Riley-::defends Buffy, but gets thrown::  
  
Buffy-::makes the same old line:: YOU JUST KILLED MY BOYFRIEND! ::kicks the demon a few times and oddly it dies.. Without a reason… it just does::  
  
Buffy-::runs over to Riley and comforts… letting the rest of her friends gather around her… mysteriously all conscious once again… and fine:: Well… we averted the apocalypse… again. I say we go back to Giles to talk about what just happened.  
  
::all salute and seem to walk away from the thing into a sunset. No cops are seen… even though HALF the building is on fire and burning. It just works out that way.  
  
Narrator- All of a sudden…out of NOWHERE the demon comes back and gobbles Riley… cuz that's what we all want, come on you know it's true. That wussy Iowa boy, he gave the state a bad rep, it's really not that bad!! It's all Joss… that bad bad man! Alrighty you all can take it from here, it's been fun!  



End file.
